I graduated college yesterday at 135lbs. I did not make my goal, but I still got all these compliments about how great I looked and my boyfriend pointed out to me that I’ve completely lost my “chubby girl” legs and even have a very slight thigh gap. So it was still a victory. Now my goal is to lose ten more lbs by my cruise which is the first week of July.
Sucks. I’ve been binging uncontrollably for the past few days and I even purged again yesterday.
At least now my period is here and the beast will pass soon. Ugh. Graduating college in a week and a half, the last thing I need is to look far in my white dress.
sext-ing asked: What app are you using?
MyFitnessPal :) It’s the bombdiggity.
fordwife-deactivated20130516 asked: Your progress pics are amazing!!!!
…I don’t even know. I’m just at my breaking point. Ever since my weekend away in Indy I haven’t been able to lose. I was 139 lbs today. I want to restrict and lose so bad but allowing myself to have carbs again that weekend threw my cravings and appetite out of control. I am never going to get down to 130 by May 5th now, which is bullshit because if that weekend had never happened I was completely on track!
So today I was craving Jimmy Johns and powered donuts. Today was a very long and hard day and I was extremely stressed. I somehow convinced myself that just those two things wouldn’t kill me. It would put my calories even with my max intake if I want to maintain. So I bought a vito sub (which is bullshit, since I’m a vegetarian, way to double fall off the bus), jalapeno chips, and a small pack of powered donuts.
I ate the Jimmy Johns and spent half an hour in the bathroom until I have purged it all. I have never purged before…I wasn’t even done with the meal. I was probably 3/4 done with both the sandwich and the chips and I just got up, went to the bathroom, and purged until literally nothing but the tea I drank earlier today was coming up. I don’t know how I feel about this.
…but then, I still wanted the donuts. I chewed and spit them all. I thought about swallowing one but just, once again, couldn’t live with that kind of guilt.
I think booking the cruise me and my bf are going on this summer as well as realizing I have to buy both a graduation and Derby dress soon have just caused me to spiral out of control today. Maybe I should just fast for a day or two? Purging brings on its own kind of guilt and confusion…however…I somehow feel so glad that I didn’t keep that food in my stomach.
Yesterday’s intake. Today’s intake so far has just been water, but I’m about to eat a pear, and plan to just have soup again for dinner tonight, with maybe a veggie if I am very hungry.
I would like to note that I don’t track any exercise I do, as I find when I do that I use it as an excuse to eat more. I actually walk quite a bit (some days 2-3 miles) and do squats and other strength exercises. So I’m sure my net is actually lower than what is reflected.
Yesterday’s intake. My bf decided to come over to my place last night (I usually go over to his place) and wanted soup for dinner. So he brought over some soup for him, and I’ve actually had quite a few cans of the Campbell’s in my pantry for a while so I ate one of those. I actually have enough cans to make that my dinner today and tomorrow as well, so that is what I am going to limit my intake to.
So I went to Indy for the weekend with my boyfriend to see his best friend who is married. I decided to eat and drink whatever… It was only one weekend, right! Wrong. Scale today says 140.5. That’s a 4 fucking lb gain. And like… I know that isn’t possible…I know I’m having a hormone fluctuation and probably bloating some…but like…
No. I’m fasting until this weekend. I may allow myself fruits and veggies, but that is it. I have to tailgate with the bf’s family on Saturday, and luckily being vegetarians keeps me out of some trouble, but his family doesn’t like “picky eaters” and hated his ex because she never ate…so if I get offered a potato chip, I’m going to have to take a least a couple. Ugh.
Luckily it’s warm out now. I can go walking for an hour or two.
thin--prince asked: btw you are really really gorgeous. like for real~~
Aw this is super sweet. Thanks :)